So I'm sure many of you are aware of a new Indiana Jones movie that has recently been unleashed upon the unwitting masses. I myself have been anticipating this movie very much: I mean, it's not like George Lucas has ever taken a classic trilogy and very nearly ruined it by adding to it...
Despite my reservations, I figured we'd be ok here, I understood that the reason the Star Wars prequels had such horrendous dialog and included scenes that very much should have been cut was because George Lucas is George Lucas and nobody wanted to tell him no. But here, Steven Spielberg is involved, so I imagined he'd be able to keep things under control with a few well timed "NO! BAD GEORGE"'s. WARNING: There be spoilers ahead. Continue to read at your own risk.
Let me begin by saying that had this NOT been an Indiana Jones movie, I very possibly would not be writing a negative review of it. If you are able to distance yourself from the originals, you may not leave the theater feeling like somebody went back in time and punched childhood you right in the face.
Further, if you think Star Wars: Episode 1 is a good movie then you'll probably be happy, this movie had a VERY prequels feel to it. (Not a compliment)
Also, Harrison Ford is still Harrison Ford and he still kicks ass as Indiana Jones, even if he is almost a thousand years old. And I actually thought Shia Leboeuf's character was pretty good. The acting throughout was very acceptable, although the main antagonist was pretty (really) lame.
The most notable problems of this movie can be narrowed down to four specific parts. One involves an atomic bomb, one involves monkeys (and Tarzan style vine swinging), there is an issue with a car and a tree (which is the least offensive of the four) and the other is basically the ENTIRE ENDING.
If the three scenes were removed, and the ending rewritten, then I probably would have liked this movie. That's actually the most painful part, is that there were some parts of the movie that were very much Indiana Jones, and very much awesome, so it hurt even more when it was bad. (There are more rotten moments than the four I listed, they're just the ones that really stick out).
Overall I felt like I was on a roller coaster of agony. I was continually taunted with glimpses of joy and entertainment worthy of the name Dr. Jones, and as soon as I began to forget my earlier sorrows I was plummeted into greater depths of misery. George Lucas needs a new personal assistant to follow him at all times, and Falcon Punch him if he even MENTIONS Star Wars or Indiana Jones.
I am sure that some of you reading this disagree, and actually liked Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Killing my Soul, so feel free to explain how that is possible. (Perhaps you were actually watching Iron Man, and just got confused?)
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